Cyber Affairs and Infidelity?

Posted by Brooke M.
infidelity cyber affairs

Sex is Not the Only Form of Cheating

Today there are multiple ways to connect and communicate with others. This creates a grey area when it comes to infidelity. Nowadays you can add tension to a relationship by simply missing a text message or updating your Facebook status that is unknown by your significant other.

Social Media provides the means to stay connected to many people and has become a part of our daily lives. However, it can also be a source of trouble for relationships. Social forums can enable and distract you to pay more attention to a “friend’s” or a celebrity’s personal matters rather than your own. By continuously checking your news feed instead of spending quality time with your spouse, you will disconnect from your special someone.

Are we cheating on our spouse by not providing the TLC they so desperately seek?  One reason most relationships are not successful is due to a lack of communication and understanding. By seeking attention and validation from others rather than your significant other is not healthy. Many people think flirting isn’t cheating however, establishing emotional intimacy with others can be just as damaging. According to therapist and author Ross Rosenberg “This can become an affair when there is a relationship … where two people are getting their needs met outside of their marriage or relationship.”

Cyber cheating is relevant in the world of online connectivity. If you are in a relationship and using dating or other web forums to flirt with strangers, your loved one won’t take it kindly and will feel cheated. “An emotional betrayal can be even more damaging to a marriage than a physical one.” Says M. Gary Neuman, author of “Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship” (Three Rivers Press).

Put yourself in your spouse or loved ones shoes. How would you feel if she or he was online exchanging more than just pleasantries?

10 Ways to Make Divorce Easier for Kids

Posted by Brooke M.
way to make divorce easier for kids

Tips to Help Ease the Pain or Confusion Divorce Presents

  1. Consistency is key. Be a reliable resource for your kids, whether they need to talk, need help with a school project, or just want you to attend their next soccer game. Children need to feel they are well cared for, and the best way to show that is by reliably having their back. Even if it’s not your weekend with the kids, or you think your ex can handle things on their own, make sure your children know that you are always present if they need something.
  2. Smother with love and support. Now is the time to openly and emphatically express your love for your children. Remind them how loved they are with both words and actions. Do something special for them: quality time away from home can help take their minds off the stress of their parents’ separation.
  3. Equal time with both parents. In order to be fair to your children, both parents deserve equal time if they are both an active part of the child’s life. If at all possible, children will appreciate getting the same amount of time and involvement from both their parents.
  4. Be empathetic about their grief. Expect a range of emotions, and be prepared to handle any reaction your child might throw at you. Reassure kids that the divorce is not their fault – after all, they didn’t choose it or have a say in it. And because they did not choose this divorce, you will not judge them for any feelings they have about it.
  5. Letting your kids choose who to live with? If so, don’t make them feel guilty. It’s a tough situation if you are not the parent your kids choose to live with, but it’s important to respect your child’s decision. On the other hand, if you are the chosen parent, do not under any circumstances rub it in your ex’s face.
  6. Never use your kids as pawns. Whatever you do, do not use your children against your ex, ask them to get information about your ex, or try in any way to negatively affect their relationship with their other parent. Do not expect them to take sides or be a spy for you. If you try to damage your child’s bond with your ex, you’ll end up poisoning your own bond with your child in the long run.
  7. Love your kids more than you hate your ex. Yes, your ex is your ex for a reason, but you two will be tied as long as you have children together. No matter how strong your emotions about your ex may be, just remember how much greater and more powerful your love for your children is. There is no reason that you can’t prioritize your children’s feelings above your own’s.
  8. Be honest. It’s important to be frank with your children during the divorce process. This doesn’t mean telling them the sordid details of why your marriage ended. It means making sure they understand the reality of the divorce and how it will affect their day-to-day lives. You know your kids better than anyone; consider their age and maturity level when deciding how much to reveal about why you and your ex are separating.
  9. Be civil with your ex. This is one of those pieces of advice that’s easier said than done, but it’s in the best interest of your children and your family. It’s in your best interest, too – letting go of anger at your ex will help you stop focusing on the past and on your regrets.
  10. Always keep your promises. Don’t make unrealistic promises or let your kids hope for things that won’t happen. It can be hard to tell your kids that you can’t see them as often as they want, or that you can’t keep living in your old house, but being honest with them now is better than letting them down later. If you have to break a promise you made during the divorce process, acknowledge it and apologize.

How to Tell Kids You’re Getting Divorced

Posted by Brooke M.
telling kids you're getting divorce

The Big Talk with Your Kids

Even if you feel positive about your decision to divorce, you’re probably dreading telling your children. Nobody enjoys telling kids that their parents are getting a divorce, even when everyone in the family agrees that it’s for the best. Be prepared for your children to be very distressed by this news, or for them to be less upset than you are. In other words, you have to be ready for any possible reaction from your children. These simple tips should take the dread out of the ‘big talk’ and help you prepare answers to your kids’ tricky questions.

The first piece of advice is also the simplest: tell your kids the truth about what’s going on. This doesn’t mean you should tell your children the intimate details of why you and your spouse are splitting. But your children need to know that you and your spouse will be living apart, that it’s not temporary, and that their lives will change as a result. It’s tempting to let your kids stay in denial about what divorce means, because it seems to make them happier. Your children need to overcome that initial denial, however, so that they can start accepting the reality of the divorce and seeing the positive sides of it.

Children love to ask ‘why’, and they will almost certainly ask why you want a divorce. When this question comes up, avoid the blame game. No matter what your ex may have done, it’s important to keep your resentments to yourself. Ideally, you and your spouse should have this conversation together, to send a message to your children that they still have two parents. This also will reassure kids that the divorce was a mutual decision, rather than one of you abandoning the other one. Remember that your children don’t see a failed partner when they look at your spouse; they see their parent. They want to admire your ex, not hear about their flaws.

Most importantly, emphasize that you both love your kids, and that you all will continue to be a family. If your children are mature enough to understand, you can explain that this change will make you and your spouse happier, which will actually make you better parents. Remind kids that they’re not losing a parent – they’re gaining two loving households. Your children may not be ready to see the positive aspects of your divorce yet, but it’s important to stay upbeat anyway.

Though you and your spouse should highlight the good when explaining your divorce, you shouldn’t expect totally cheerful reactions. Let your kids know that it’s okay to have positive, mixed, or negative feelings about this life change. Crying, yelling, and acting passive-aggressive are all normal. Let kids express their emotions without shaming or scolding them. Read their cues: some children will want time alone to process the news, while others will need hugs and reassurance. Just remember that the initial grief your children feel about this divorce will pass, but the way you react to their grief will stick with them. Show them that you respect their feelings – they’ll appreciate it.

Co-Parenting After Divorce

Posted by Brooke M.
parenting after divorce

Parenting Tips for Divorced Couples

Divorce is a major life change for every couple, but if you and your spouse have children together, you may feel like your divorce is extra complicated. Child-raising can’t be an afterthought in the decisions you make about your divorce; your spouse is probably going to be a big part of your life until your children become adults. Co-parenting after divorce can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be painful. There are just as many good parenting strategies for divorced couples as there are for married ones. Of course, every divorce is unique in its own way, but there are some general rules that will help any couple raise happy kids after they split up.

In order to effectively co-parent, shared custody is always a good option if possible. Shared custody might not work so well with every parent’s schedule, but even if you work a lot, you should make an effort to maximize the amount of time you can spend with the kids. If both parents are involved and loving, shared custody is the best way to minimize disruption for your child and maintain an equal partnership with your ex.

Good co-parenting is so much easier if you and your former spouse can be flexible. Even if you have a schedule in place, both of you need to recognize that life happens. Ideally, parenting schedules should be guidelines, not unchangeable laws. If shared custody is not possible in your situation, be flexible with visitation time. Allow the other parent to attend your children’s big events, even if it’s not their day with the kids. Being there when your children need you is more important than avoiding an awkward situation with your ex.

Keeping consistency in your children’s lives can be a major challenge when co-parenting. Your two households can feel like one if you and your ex agree on universal rules your kids must follow, regardless of which parent they are with. If your children were misbehaving while staying with you, tell the other spouse what happened and ask them to uphold whatever punishment you decided on. If you two respect each other’s rules and parenting values, your kids will respect them, too.

Most importantly, divorce can be a challenging period for children, even if they understand it was the best thing for their family. During this transition, it’s more important than ever to be there for your children. Let them know with your words and actions that though their lifestyle is changing, your relationship with them is not. ‘Quality over quantity’ is a valid rule, but the quantity of time you spend with your children still matters. Maximize the amount of time you can spend with your kids, and be present and engaged during that time. Let them know that even when they’re not staying with you, you’re still caring for them.

Your marital relationship with your ex may have ended, but you two will stay partners for as long as you are parents. The key to successful co-parenting is support and consistency. If you and your spouse are flexible and open to compromise, you can minimize interruptions in your children’s lives. Your kids will understand that they always have two parents there to support them, regardless of which household they’re in.

How to Determine Alimony

Posted by Brooke M.
How to determine alimony

Which Type of Alimony Suits Your Divorce?

Alimony is a term you’ve probably heard many times, but if you’re like most people, you may not have a clear idea of how it works and who receives it. Alimony is a type of court-ordered payment from one ex-spouse to the other, designed to financially support the dependent spouse. As a general rule of thumb, a spouse is considered dependent when their ex makes more money than they do. You’re not automatically eligible for alimony just because you earn less money than your ex, however; there are several additional factors that determine eligibility. And if you are eligible for alimony, it’s not a one-size-fits-all situation – there are different kinds of alimony to suit your specific needs. This article will help you start the process of determining whether you’re eligible for alimony and finding the right type if you are.

Before making any plans around alimony, you first have to review your current situation to make sure you’re eligible to receive it. First thing to consider: the duration of your marriage. The longer you’ve been married, the more likely you are to receive spousal support. Next, you have to determine the independent spouse’s ability to pay the dependent spouse. This means that the independent spouse must have enough income to support two households; just proving that the independent spouse earns more money isn’t good enough. Finally, there’s the factor of the dependent spouse’s earning ability. The higher your earning ability is, the less likely you are to receive alimony.

Assuming you’ve gone through these factors and think you’re likely to receive approval from the court, it’s time to start considering types of alimony. The first type, permanent alimony, continues until the dependent spouse remarries or either spouse dies. Many dependents receiving permanent alimony get on the independent spouse’s life insurance policy, to ensure that spousal support will not be disrupted if their ex passes away. Despite the name, permanent alimony can be adjusted if the independent spouse’s income changes.

Temporary alimony is often awarded to a dependent spouse to help them maintain their lifestyle during the transition period of divorce. This type of spousal support is allotted for a specific period of time. Alimony of this type is usually awarded through a temporary court order.

Rehabilitative spousal support is also awarded for a limited period of time, but its purpose is more specific than temporary alimony: it is designed to help the dependent spouse become more self-sufficient. Both parties can agree on a timeline for this type of payment, or it can be mandated by the court. The goal is to help the lower-earning spouse get back on their feet financially after a divorce.

The final type of alimony is reimbursement spousal support. Its name reflects the fact that one spouse is getting reimbursed for expenses incurred by the other spouse. For example, if you paid for your spouse’s education, you can request reimbursement for the money you spent. The payments can be made in lump sum or in installments until the debt is repaid.

Alimony is something that can seem obscure, complex, or even frightening to many people beginning their divorce. However, remember that alimony is designed to help couples, whether one spouse needs lifelong support or just a temporary payment to help them get back on their feet. If you have a clear idea of whether you are eligible for alimony, and if you can identify which kind you need, you’re on the right track to finding a support plan that works for both you and your spouse.

Financial Planning for Divorce

Posted by Brooke M.
financial planning post divorce

Transitioning to Your Future

If you are considering a divorce, chances are you’re focused on the things that are coming to an end. However, divorce isn’t just about the end of a relationship; it’s the beginning of a new life and a new lifestyle. It is crucial when beginning this transition to re-evaluate your financial situation and plan for your future. To ensure you’re making the best possible decisions for your future financial stability, there are five important aspects to consider: your living expenses, alimony, downsizing, insurance, and retirement. Divorce is about more than dividing your assets, and these five aspects of financial planning will help you take the appropriate precautions before making big decisions.

The first step when making the decision to divorce is to calculate your living expenses. Your financial situation needs to be re-evaluated now that you and your spouse are budgeting to maintain two households rather than one. In order to properly calculate your expenses, you must review your income sources, debts, assets, and tax situations. Review your past year of bills and bank statements, get organized, and get prepared to make any necessary changes to your expenses and household budget.

If your spouse was the breadwinner of your family, it might be the time to start considering an alimony budget. Many people considering alimony have no idea how alimony is determined and whether it’s even a possibility for them, so here are the basics. Alimony may be an option for you and your spouse if one of you didn’t work for a significant part of your marriage. In cases of a long marriage ending, one party might be granted “permanent” alimony until they remarry or cohabitate with someone else. If the partner paying alimony retires, or is no longer working, this may change the amount of alimony owed to the other partner. It is essential that the partner paying alimony reports any changes in their income to the court as soon as they happen; otherwise, they will be subject to payments that don’t reflect their current salary.

Transitioning from one household to two is an emotional process that usually requires compromises from everyone involved. In order to maintain your financial stability, you may need to downsize your home. Moving can be a tricky family decision, especially if you fear uprooting your children from a home they feel attached to. Keeping the family home and preventing disruption in your children’s lives are understandable desires, but they’re not worth putting yourself in financial distress. Diversify your assets, especially if your home comprises a great majority of your wealth. You’ll likely want to aim for a mixed portfolio; it is always risky to put all your money in just one asset. Choosing a smaller, more affordable home may help prevent this risk.

Your health insurance may have been covered by your spouse’s work; if that’s the case, it’s a big new expense to consider once you get a divorce. The most efficient solution is to switch to the insurance your employer offers – or find a job with health care benefits if you don’t already have one. This alone can be a source of motivation to get back to work if you’re not currently employed. If you know that finding work that will cover your health insurance is not an option, you’ll need to make a plan to pay out of pocket. Paying out of pocket for health insurance can be a big expense, so research your options and make sure you’re getting the best deal for your family’s specific health care needs.

Retirement is something you must have in mind when dividing your assets and planning for your future. When the choice to either downsize your home or take from your retirement plan comes up, most people assume the house is the better asset to have. However, this is not true; your home is more likely to have ongoing expenses than a 401K plan. There are also tax implications to consider for retirement funds. According to Forbes, various types of retirement accounts – including 401K, 403B and Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs) – are all subject to taxes once you withdraw from them. Roth IRA accounts, on the other hand, are not taxed. This makes a big difference in evaluating an asset’s revenue – consider whether your retirement account will require you to be taxed or not.

If you haven’t had much experience with financial planning, the decisions that come with divorce can seem overwhelming at first. The important thing to remember is that people who know what their living expenses will be, who know their rights, and who are willing to make some lifestyle changes and compromises, tend to come out of their divorces with a solid financial future. If  you need assistance with your planning, it is always a good idea to seek help from a financial professional who understands long-term implications, tax rules, and can provide and objective point of view.

8 Ways to Keep Divorce Costs Down

Posted by Brooke M.
keep divorce costs down

How to Avoid Finance-based Delays

Divorce is rarely an easy decision to make, in part because even if you’re sure it’s the right move for your heart, you might not be sure it’s right for your bank account. Divorce costs can be more than getting married nowadays and for most couples in most situations, it’s a financial hurdle to overcome. Money concerns are one of the major reasons couples delay getting divorced; it’s understandable why many people wait until they are ready to move forward financially, but there are ways of keeping the cost down. With that in mind, we’ve put together 8 common-sense methods for getting the divorce process done quickly without breaking the bank.

  1. Expect changes. You need to expect lifestyle changes to happen when you and your spouse decide to get divorced. It’s important to be prepared for any scenario – in other words, you can’t make plans assuming that you will receive alimony. You need to be able to support yourself if necessary, because supporting two households is more expensive than one.
  2. Go the uncontested divorce route. If you and your spouse are in agreement on the basic plan for your divorce, it would benefit you to go the uncontested route when filing. Uncontested divorce means you can avoid expensive attorney fees by preparing and filing the divorce documents on your own. There are resources, like, that help you prepare your divorce forms online and guarantee court approval.
  3. Do not draw out the process. If you are in a contested situation, the best way to save money is to think financially, not emotionally. In order to avoid racking up a huge attorney bill, you need to finish this process as quickly as possible – and that means being willing to compromise with your spouse.
  4. Get rid of joint accounts. It is smart to eliminate – or at least minimize – the amount of accounts you and your spouse share together. The most crucial reason to do this is to protect you from your spouse’s debts, which helps prevent defaulting on loans or bankruptcy. It also makes the separation of assets and debts far easier.
  5. Do not overlook any debt or asset. Many people get in financial trouble while divorcing simply because they didn’t have a full understanding of what they own and what they owe. Make sure you know every asset and debt accrued over your marriage. Make a list of all your bank accounts, retirement plans, businesses, and investment funds. Taking every marital asset into account is the best way to ensure they’ll be divided fairly.
  6. Start looking for a job. If you’re not already working. Before jumping back into the workforce, it would be a good idea to revise your résumé – and ask someone with a current understanding of the job market to give it a read-through. If your spouse supported you during the marriage, you might be able to work out a settlement agreement and receive alimony. Even so, it’s important to plan for the possibility of going back to work. It might not be your ideal scenario, but it will ensure you the independence you need.
  7. If necessary, involve a professional. If you have a ton of assets or need help with the process, it is best to seek professional help. Hiring someone to sort through your finances can seem costly, but the errors you might make on your own could cost you a whole lot more. A divorce financial planner can help by making strategic recommendations personalized for your budget and situation.
  8. Open communication is key. It’s never a good idea to hold back financial information. Keep the lines of communication open with your spouse (in order to remain civil) and with your attorney (in order to get the best help possible). Be forthcoming and honest with your attorney because they bill by the hour, and it’s not cheap. Let them know everything well in advance so they can work as efficiently as possible.

Bouncing Back from Unwanted Divorce

Posted by Brooke M.
bounce back from divorce

Your Opportunity to Create a New Path

In an ideal world, every divorce would be mutual, with both parties agreeing it was the best option for them. Unfortunately, divorce isn’t always mutual, and it’s hard being the person who wanted to make the marriage work. If your spouse is no longer willing to invest the time and energy needed to maintain your relationship, you need to accept the reality that your marriage is over. You cannot force someone to stay in a marriage, as tempting as the idea may be – you owe it to yourself to move forward with dignity after an unwanted divorce.

The first thing to remember is: you are worthy, and you still deserve good things! If your spouse has mentioned wanting a divorce, and you don’t feel the same way, it can leave you with shattered self-esteem. It’s common to feel that there’s something wrong with you, but the reality is that plenty of amazing people have had their marriages end. Your partner wanting a divorce reflects on the state of your marriage, not on you. Divorce is not the end of your love life – it’s a new beginning that allows you to find someone who will stick with you through thick and thin. Even if you’re not ready to move on and start dating again, you still need to remember your self-worth. Negativity, grieving and self-doubt is bound to happen, but do not let these thoughts consume you.

Acceptance is a necessary step for you to come to peace with your divorce and start moving forward. As the saying goes, you need to accept the things you cannot change, and you cannot change your partner’s feelings. You may not have wanted your marriage to end, but staying in denial will not make it any easier. Once you accept the reality of your divorce, you can start to plan a new life and create a more positive outlook. Reducing contact with your spouse and removing reminders of your old life with them might be necessary for you to move on.

The end of a marriage is almost never one-sided, and divorce can be a valuable opportunity to assess your behavior in relationships. Take responsibility for your role in ending your marriage, whatever it may be. Rather than beat yourself up over your mistakes, think constructively about how you can avoid them in your next relationship. Make peace with the past and try to picture a better future. This is the time to work through anger – whether at yourself or at your spouse.

Use this pivotal moment in your life as an opportunity to create a new path. Pursue an interest you otherwise wouldn’t have with your spouse. Set achievable goals for yourself, work on your self-esteem, and enjoy your new found freedom as much as you can. This may be the end of your marriage, but it is not the end of your life. If you use this difficult time to focus on self-improvement, you may bounce back sooner than you think – with happier, healthier relationships in the future.

Divorce with Dignity

Posted by Brooke M.
divorce with dignity

How to Manage Your Divorce

When going through divorce, emotions are running high. The reality is that the world you once knew is about to change, and that could throw anyone off-balance. Though each divorce is unique and complex, there are tactics anybody can use to help smooth the transition. Your divorce doesn’t have to be a messy situation if you make it a priority to divorce with dignity.

During this emotional phase in your life, it is important to accept the reality that your relationship is over and to start the forgiveness process. Now is the time to let go of resentment toward your ex. The things that once caused tension in your marriage are now part of the past, and lingering on them only keeps you from embracing the new life you’re creating. It is normal to feel uncertain about your future, considering you made plans and set goals with your spouse. A divorce can cause deep wounds, and isolating yourself is never the cure. Surround yourself with positive people and focus on accepting your grief and moving forward. Once you’ve done that, forgiveness will soon follow.

During this transition, you need to be looking out for your financial safety as well as your emotional health. This is the time to think about shared assets you and your spouse obtained during your marriage. Do you own a property or business together? If so, then you need to decide the best way to divide your assets. You want to avoid bitterness at all costs during this process. It is never worth the turmoil to use assets as pawns to hurt one another. If you offer your spouse the opportunity to take what he or she wants from the house, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results. There are plenty of tips out there for dividing assets in a divorce to ensure your short and long-term financial security.

It’s safe to say that conflict will arise at one point or another with your ex-spouse, so it’s important to handle yourself in the most dignified way possible. Fight fair: not every action your ex takes is worth a reaction. Sometimes that means being the bigger person when your ex makes a mistake; it is important to stay composed and prioritize peace with your ex, for the sake of your well-being and your children’s. You can also take a step back and ask yourself how you’re contributing to the conflicts that arise between the two of you, and whether you can make changes to your attitude. You may not be married to your spouse anymore, but if you have children, you most likely will have to deal with them long after the ink has dried on your divorce decree.

Divorce can be extra complicated when there are children involved, and they should be you and your spouse’s first priority. Make a list of pros and cons if you are debating where your kids should live, and discuss the list with your spouse to determine the best possible living situation. Make a schedule that works best for your kids, not for you or your spouse. Your children did not ask to be put in this situation, so it’s important to put their needs above your own. Though your ex may not be your favorite person, it’s important to maintain healthy communication with them so that you can make major decisions about your finances and your children.

8 Troubling Signs Your Marriage Won’t Last

Posted by Brooke M.

Indications Your Marriage Might Fail

When you’re considering getting married, it’s an exciting time – one that makes it hard to see the big picture. No one gets married believing their marriage will end quickly, and everyone believes they’re the exception to the rules. But psychologists have identified tell-tale signs that foreshadow whether most marriages will be successful or not. It’s important to be aware of these signs before you commit to being someone’s life partner. Here are 8 red flags that tend to signify a shorter marriage, and tips to navigate around them.

  1. Married too quickly. According to Psychology Today, on average, dating for at least 3.6 years allows a couple enough time to see beyond the surface and understand each other’s personalities on a deep level, which gives them a better idea of whether marriage is the right path for their relationship. While some marriages with shorter dating periods will certainly last, a longer courtship can help couples build a more solid foundation to sustain their marriage beyond the proverbial honeymoon phase.
  2. Polar opposites.  The old saying claims that opposites attract, but opposites can also be a recipe for disaster. If you and your partner have different hobbies, communication styles, or even drinking habits, they can cause a rift in your relationship. Having a partner who’s very different from you can feel exciting at first, as they introduce new things to your life. Ten years down the line, however, those differences can be the reason it’s not working out.
  3. Does he/she treat servers like slaves? How your partner treats others is how they will likely treat you and your children. Acting entitled is not a trait that results in lasting relationships. Furthermore, children model their behavior on their parents. You should ask yourself whether or not you would want your child to speak to people the way your spouse does.
  4. Undisclosed goals and aspirations. Maybe you want children and your spouse does not. Maybe your spouse wants to pursue a career that would jeopardize your goals. It is important to discuss and agree on important goals and lifestyle choices before saying “I do”. If you find yourself surprised by your partner’s future plans after you’ve married them, it can lead to tension or resentment, as you may feel like you were misled.
  5. Big age gap. Unfortunately, it turns out age is a little more than a number; it’s a major factor that increases the odds of divorce.  According to a study at Emory University, a couple with a 5-year age gap is 18% more likely to divorce. The rate rises to 39% with a 10-year gap and 95% with a 20-year gap.
  6. No buy-in from friends and family. If the people around you say that you’re changing (for the worse) and that they don’t see your spouse as a good fit, beware. Find out the reasons your loved ones don’t like your spouse to gain more clarity about the situation. Love can be blind, so it is important to hear out the people who know you best.
  7. Changing for your partner. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties must compromise. If one party is always changing and sacrificing for the other, it leads to a rift in the marriage more often than not. When your spouse begins to compromise the values that make you who you are, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on  your relationship.
  8. Poor Communication. Premarital counseling is a way to help prevent divorce and improve your communication style with your spouse-to-be; the goal is to form a system of communication that can last a lifetime. Negativity and excessive criticism are two red flags to be aware of when communicating with a significant other.