Indications Your Marriage Might Fail
When you’re considering getting married, it’s an exciting time – one that makes it hard to see the big picture. No one gets married believing their marriage will end quickly, and everyone believes they’re the exception to the rules. But psychologists have identified tell-tale signs that foreshadow whether most marriages will be successful or not. It’s important to be aware of these signs before you commit to being someone’s life partner. Here are 8 red flags that tend to signify a shorter marriage, and tips to navigate around them.
- Married too quickly. According to Psychology Today, on average, dating for at least 3.6 years allows a couple enough time to see beyond the surface and understand each other’s personalities on a deep level, which gives them a better idea of whether marriage is the right path for their relationship. While some marriages with shorter dating periods will certainly last, a longer courtship can help couples build a more solid foundation to sustain their marriage beyond the proverbial honeymoon phase.
- Polar opposites. The old saying claims that opposites attract, but opposites can also be a recipe for disaster. If you and your partner have different hobbies, communication styles, or even drinking habits, they can cause a rift in your relationship. Having a partner who’s very different from you can feel exciting at first, as they introduce new things to your life. Ten years down the line, however, those differences can be the reason it’s not working out.
- Does he/she treat servers like slaves? How your partner treats others is how they will likely treat you and your children. Acting entitled is not a trait that results in lasting relationships. Furthermore, children model their behavior on their parents. You should ask yourself whether or not you would want your child to speak to people the way your spouse does.
- Undisclosed goals and aspirations. Maybe you want children and your spouse does not. Maybe your spouse wants to pursue a career that would jeopardize your goals. It is important to discuss and agree on important goals and lifestyle choices before saying “I do”. If you find yourself surprised by your partner’s future plans after you’ve married them, it can lead to tension or resentment, as you may feel like you were misled.
- Big age gap. Unfortunately, it turns out age is a little more than a number; it’s a major factor that increases the odds of divorce. According to a study at Emory University, a couple with a 5-year age gap is 18% more likely to divorce. The rate rises to 39% with a 10-year gap and 95% with a 20-year gap.
- No buy-in from friends and family. If the people around you say that you’re changing (for the worse) and that they don’t see your spouse as a good fit, beware. Find out the reasons your loved ones don’t like your spouse to gain more clarity about the situation. Love can be blind, so it is important to hear out the people who know you best.
- Changing for your partner. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties must compromise. If one party is always changing and sacrificing for the other, it leads to a rift in the marriage more often than not. When your spouse begins to compromise the values that make you who you are, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on your relationship.
- Poor Communication. Premarital counseling is a way to help prevent divorce and improve your communication style with your spouse-to-be; the goal is to form a system of communication that can last a lifetime. Negativity and excessive criticism are two red flags to be aware of when communicating with a significant other.