- Am I doing this for a pick me up? Make sure you are not dating out of fear of being alone. This is a time to enjoy your independence and discover who you are and what path you choose to go on after your divorce. If you are ready to get back into the dating world it is good to be prepared for anything. If you think that dating is all positive you might be let down if rejection happens. Dating can be very exciting and a confidence booster however you can occur speed bumps along the way.
- Am I looking for a serious relationship? This will determine your dating approach when getting back into the single scene. If you are looking for something serious it is a good idea to probe your potential date with the important stuff before hand. Ask them about things that are important to you before setting up a date to make sure you are both on the same page. If you are using online dating resources make it clear what you are looking for to avoid disappointment or wasting your time.
- What can I do differently this time around? Time to ask yourself the tough questions about your past relationship to determine what you did to help it fail. Understanding what your role was in your own divorce will help you figure out what you need to work on to make your next relationship successful. In order for you to build a better future you must learn from your past.
- Do I have time to date? If you have a job and kids it is hard to section off time for yourself nevermind planning a date. Of course your children are your priority but you deserve to make time for yourself to get out there and meet new people. Schedule a date night for yourself even if you don’t have one lined up yet. If you don’t have a date take this time to focus on improving your dating life.
- Am I looking to date multiple individuals at the same time? Tell your date if you are not interesting in a monogamous relationship to clarify what you are looking for. Honesty is the best policy and will help you maintain realistic expectations for your date. You do not want to waste anyone else’s time if they are looking for something more serious when you are interesting in something short term. It is understandable to not be ready for something serious after freshly divorcing, give yourself time to get there.
- What are my deal breakers? Compromising comes with the territory of dating and being in a relationship with another individual. It is good to have an idea of what your deal breakers are so you can avoid investing feelings in someone that will not be the right fit for you. Now that you have gained life experience from the divorce it is time to set your standards and stick by them. You know who you are and what you want from a relationship so make sure you are not settling for anything less than what you deserve.
As divorce specialists, we hear a lot of similar questions that many clients ask when initially starting the divorce process. We have created a list of the top 8 common divorce questions we hear on a daily basis that will clarify some of the steps and aspects of the divorce process. Most of the cases we handle are uncontested meaning both parties are in agreement to get the divorce.Read More
Dating after divorce can be scary but it can also be exciting and refreshing to meet new people and build new connections. When getting to know someone it is important to decide who you should be investing your time in and who you should be steering clear of. If you know what to look out for it will be easier to determine what you want from a signficant other and avoid wasting your time. We have compiled a list of people divorcee’s should avoid dating.
So you just got divorced and you’re newly single and you are thinking, now what? Dealing with a loss like divorce is not an easy task and getting back into the dating pool can be overwhelming. There are ways to ease this process and actually make it a new exciting experience in your life. In order to adjust to the single life we have 5 tips to make this transition as smooth as possible and help you create an identity for yourself which will hopefully lead you to a spouse that better suits you. Read More
10 Ways to Defeat Divorce and Find Peace
Divorce is not the end but the beginning of a new start and in order to get through this obstacle life has thrown your way we have crafted 10 ways to help overcome your divorce and find peace. This is a learning process about building back who you are as a person and leaving your old life in the rearview. This process isn’t easy but at the end of the day you are creating a brighter and happier future for yourself. Read More
Sex is Not the Only Form of Cheating
Today there are multiple ways to connect and communicate with others. This creates a grey area when it comes to infidelity. Nowadays you can add tension to a relationship by simply missing a text message or updating your Facebook status that is unknown by your significant other.
Social Media provides the means to stay connected to many people and has become a part of our daily lives. However, it can also be a source of trouble for relationships. Social forums can enable and distract you to pay more attention to a “friend’s” or a celebrity’s personal matters rather than your own. By continuously checking your news feed instead of spending quality time with your spouse, you will disconnect from your special someone.
Tips to Help Ease the Pain or Confusion Divorce Presents
- Consistency is key. Be a reliable resource for your kids, whether they need to talk, need help with a school project, or just want you to attend their next soccer game. Children need to feel they are well cared for, and the best way to show that is by reliably having their back. Even if it’s not your weekend with the kids, or you think your ex can handle things on their own, make sure your children know that you are always present if they need something.
- Smother with love and support. Now is the time to openly and emphatically express your love for your children. Remind them how loved they are with both words and actions. Do something special for them: quality time away from home can help take their minds off the stress of their parents’ separation.
- Equal time with both parents. In order to be fair to your children, both parents deserve equal time if they are both an active part of the child’s life. If at all possible, children will appreciate getting the same amount of time and involvement from both their parents.
- Be empathetic about their grief. Expect a range of emotions, and be prepared to handle any reaction your child might throw at you. Reassure kids that the divorce is not their fault – after all, they didn’t choose it or have a say in it. And because they did not choose this divorce, you will not judge them for any feelings they have about it.
- Letting your kids choose who to live with? If so, don’t make them feel guilty. It’s a tough situation if you are not the parent your kids choose to live with, but it’s important to respect your child’s decision. On the other hand, if you are the chosen parent, do not under any circumstances rub it in your ex’s face.
- Never use your kids as pawns. Whatever you do, do not use your children against your ex, ask them to get information about your ex, or try in any way to negatively affect their relationship with their other parent. Do not expect them to take sides or be a spy for you. If you try to damage your child’s bond with your ex, you’ll end up poisoning your own bond with your child in the long run.
- Love your kids more than you hate your ex. Yes, your ex is your ex for a reason, but you two will be tied as long as you have children together. No matter how strong your emotions about your ex may be, just remember how much greater and more powerful your love for your children is. There is no reason that you can’t prioritize your children’s feelings above your own’s.
- Be honest. It’s important to be frank with your children during the divorce process. This doesn’t mean telling them the sordid details of why your marriage ended. It means making sure they understand the reality of the divorce and how it will affect their day-to-day lives. You know your kids better than anyone; consider their age and maturity level when deciding how much to reveal about why you and your ex are separating.
- Be civil with your ex. This is one of those pieces of advice that’s easier said than done, but it’s in the best interest of your children and your family. It’s in your best interest, too – letting go of anger at your ex will help you stop focusing on the past and on your regrets.
- Always keep your promises. Don’t make unrealistic promises or let your kids hope for things that won’t happen. It can be hard to tell your kids that you can’t see them as often as they want, or that you can’t keep living in your old house, but being honest with them now is better than letting them down later. If you have to break a promise you made during the divorce process, acknowledge it and apologize.
The Big Talk with Your Kids
Even if you feel positive about your decision to divorce, you’re probably dreading telling your children. Nobody enjoys telling kids that their parents are getting a divorce, even when everyone in the family agrees that it’s for the best. Be prepared for your children to be very distressed by this news, or for them to be less upset than you are. In other words, you have to be ready for any possible reaction from your children. These simple tips should take the dread out of the ‘big talk’ and help you prepare answers to your kids’ tricky questions.Read More
Parenting Tips for Divorced Couples
Divorce is a major life change for every couple, but if you and your spouse have children together, you may feel like your divorce is extra complicated. Child-raising can’t be an afterthought in the decisions you make about your divorce; your spouse is probably going to be a big part of your life until your children become adults. Co-parenting after divorce can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be painful. There are just as many good parenting strategies for divorced couples as there are for married ones. Of course, every divorce is unique in its own way, but there are some general rules that will help any couple raise happy kids after they split up.Read More
Which Type of Alimony Suits Your Divorce?
Alimony is a term you’ve probably heard many times, but if you’re like most people, you may not have a clear idea of how it works and who receives it. Alimony is a type of court-ordered payment from one ex-spouse to the other, designed to financially support the dependent spouse. As a general rule of thumb, a spouse is considered dependent when their ex makes more money than they do. You’re not automatically eligible for alimony just because you earn less money than your ex, however; there are several additional factors that determine eligibility. And if you are eligible for alimony, it’s not a one-size-fits-all situation – there are different kinds of alimony to suit your specific needs. This article will help you start the process of determining whether you’re eligible for alimony and finding the right type if you are.Read More